ok, the one and only reason to be on the bachelorette is for these incredible trips.
"true love".... why do people say that? as opposed to what? un-true love? false love? weird
that outfit is cute in theory, but isn't executed well...
yikes! wet hair? looks damaged from all the color changes.
true confessions: i'm fast forwarding thru that boring recap.
journaling. good girl.
primping shots are so awkie.
is your mirror face as fierce?
pursed lips & all!
old solar panels ! back for more humiliation.
wish it was bentley.
he looks stoned.
WHY is he here? man, these producers are desperate for spice.
he's walking like he has just put in a suppository.
what?! so any wierdie can come back a knocking in a cool location?
kick em off and get rid forever!
i have sick feelings for his mom. what torture to have to watch your son make an idiot of himself on tv.
"i'm 31 yrs old! and if this stalker move worked to get jake pavelka to be the bachelor, then, hell! why not me?!"
yeeeah, you called chris... i'm so sure.
please just say NO. please just say NO. please just say NO.
i can't take this cheeseball.
she's not into it.
vim. vim. vim.
"hi" ooooooooh!!!! sick!
NEVER say "hi" mid-makeout. it's the most awkward cheeseball thing to say/do....
oooh sweet! his shirt matches his face.
for those of you wondering WHY it's incorrect to say "It's effortless for ashley and i." let me give you a little grammar tip. just think: would i use I or ME if i didn't use ashley's name in the sentence. would you say "it's effortless for I" or "it's effortless for me?" it makes sense to say ME, doesn't it? y'welcome.
he FOUND himself on the bachelor, folks. who needs therapy?! just go on the bachelor....
a chest massage while he mounts him? totally normal.
wide necked v neck shirts on boys makes me uncomfortable.
guess ash didn't feel like she needed to fix up on this date... no makeup? not the best move.
there it is! per-FACT.
he really likes her without makeup. just give him the rose and let's keep moving...
please don't say i love you, cavegrob. please don't.
ok..... that was a nice skirt steak of the issue.
nice of her to put makeup on for the interview.
that suite is pretty cool.
ugh. future husband, please don't ever carry me like a baby. thanks in advance.
cute little outfit, ash
oooooh those natives sound SOUR!
yes, connie... you do need a haircut.
wow! that's quite the helicopter reaction!
"really? this is only your first helicopter ride? cause i've been on one with a different guy n' stuff. brad stole my heli-virginity..."
aaaahahahaha! that creeper! just standing and looking at the helicopter.
guarantee there was no heli in the sky and they just staged the shot.
um... she's just not that into you , dude.
oooh we're getting zack morris hair out of him.
oh sweet. the first "falling" reference- which is refreshing. i feel like we hear that 10 x on the bachelor series cause those dudes OK all the stupid extreme sports.
i'm not a fan of the mis-matched bikini look. nope, not a fan. match that action.
ash... re think that center part .... on both of you...
ew. don't bring up ben!
i like his style.
he's not telling her what she wants to hear.
um... mr. president, are you really going to cut into my bachelorette time?! how will i know what happens! i'm on DVR!!!!
i don't know what is stressing me out more: the deficit or missing the end of the bachelorette.
wrap it up, mr prez! we have roses to attend to!
drop it like it's hot, ash....
but he's pretty awesome.
sans ugly hair.
awkward tongue. she's mad at him.
woah! it's really happening!
i like him.
well she's not really that torn.. she has 2 others and crazy ole solar panels.
please let her call SP for a booty call in the fantasy suite.
nice dramatic read of the FS card... as if she didn't know what it would say...
he's a solid dude.
can't even sleep the night? gotta pack up and move out immediately?
that's a cute little dress. perfect for her body.
please bless she goes back to the fantasy suite alone and pushes the rose petals off the bed so she can sleep on it.... THAT'S drama.
well that was convenient! he's here to fill the empty slot.
oh my gosh! he totally reminds me of this freak i used to BRIEFLY date.
i may break out in hives.
nice "natural energy" geyser shot.
nice "anxious fingernail" shot.
honestly. watching this freakshow is making me so uncomfortable.
just sincere nods, grins, and head shakes.
oooh! what a relief! i thought she was going to give him a chance.
that's some serious bronze/blush on ashley.
oh man! somebody stop him ! push him in the water!
keep saying "it'll happen" and the only thing that will happen is your straight jacket tightening....
not. a. fan. of that strange urban outfitters tribal print half top.
he's a cute little monkey!
another plane... boring.
soaring music. boring.
he has nice big hands.
this family review sounds so strange.
that girl is finally learning how to flatter her assets.
she must be watching the dailies...
this conversation is so boring.
they're both wanting the other person to say the L-word. bored.
are you kidding me?!
ok, kids... what happened?
i'm guessing a big fat nothing? nobody was sent home... what do you think?
1. generous friends who clean out their (well-stocked) closets and give me never-been-worn Lanvin dresses because they're "too mormon" (ie... too long-it barely skims my knee and i'm a good 6 inches shorter)... thanks subsy!!
2. and another trip from kara and jeff and more imperial woodpecker snoballs!!
my favorite flavor there is green apple... somehow my old favorite "tigers blood"
we had a grand time riding rides (my favorite/one that hurts the least is the steeple chase --and refused to go thru the cyclone torture again) and eating corn dogs & orangeade @nathan's. you guys, i'm seriously in a very committed relationship with nathan's corn dogs. the. best. (in ny-- totally different from the disneyland corn dog---yes, i realize it's embarrassing that i'm a corn dog connoisseur) kara and jeff lived for the cheese fries as well.
sister kara and her husband jeff are living in philly for the summer. last weekend, they finally came to nyc for a visit & since we're all on a budget (students & the unemployed), we did an entire weekend on the cheap.
just returned from a weekend in fire island with subsy. we had a very fun and incredibly bizarre time. i was horrified to receive my first (dead serious) invitation for a 3-way (?!?!?!) among other horrifically funny (in hindsight) awkward encounters.
ugh. matchy matchy lip & eye makeup to that skirt. bringing it back 90's style, ash!
these pondering shots with a "home video camera" are so awkie.
was that woman doing tai chi or just standing in a solid plie while a bunch of americans barrel past her?
honestly, taking a week off from these stories has made me lose interest completely.... (i say as if i had any real interest at all..)
yes! i love the "grr!/curses!" shot from solar panels.
oh no, jp. are you gonna look crazy?
for those of you who didn't follow my twitter, did you realize that SUBSY KNOWS JP?! aaaaahhhh!!!! i could potentially meet him.... unless he proves crazy... which is likely-- as he is on a reality dating show....
fugly hair and an arizona boy plaid short sleeve button up on connie.
he is always so shiny!
"are you looking for love on this trip?" what kind of a stupid question is that?
i want to go to the lantern festival! it's so gorgeous!
i see absolutely no chemistry btwn them.
solar panels is losing his grip.
i like that they added a bunch of random "Taiwan-looking" fabric to the hotel suite to orient it up a bit... you know that hotel was a little more streamlined....
aaah and a decorative orient fabric on their private dinner.
what do i see in you? well, i love josh groban and i love cavemen and you're kind of a mix of the two and that's really the most important thing. ... you know, you raise me up!
ugh. what is happening with his hair?!
is his family straight up greek?
he could be smoking hot wit a shorter haircut.
she was totally going thru the motions at the beginning of this date and she's just now checking in as he pontificates about "love" in nearly every cliche in the book.
yes!! the "soarin' over califoria" music on the lantern lift off.
what is this strange kiss position? formal hand holds?
also perfact that poor taiwanese PA's had to hold that lantern light cue forever but it was TOTS worth it for the "Tangled" moment.
ooop! another one hand hold kiss.
how can she keep these two guys straight?!
he just looks sweaty.
wrong way, homeboy.
like that he at least referenced "dumb and dumber."
what if he was a sucky moped driver?
"wind blowin' in our hair (thru the helmet?)"
that bridge is giving me Mulan feelings....
just one disney scene after another!
what is that strange elbow gesture, solar p? is that a WWF wrestling move?
he is having his own moment over there.
i want to kick ben in the shins for saying he's in love with ashley.
she's down for hometown.
lotta love talk, kids. lotta love talk.
oh jp! take a taiwanese xanie and simmer down.
that hat and hair flip looks so ridiculous.
he looks like Dax Shepherd in that one stupid movie where he's a model.... didn't see it... just saw the shorts.
oh man, the dramatical Asian wedding shoots are hilarious. i see those kids ALL OVER NYC.
suck it in, tex. satin doesn't really flatter your beer belly.
wow, ames. poor guy always dressed like a fop.
pretty dapper, jp....but that bow tie is gonna swallow you.
is jp a scorpio? he's a moody little bugger.
very "painted veil," ash.
ew. all of those photos look super kiddie candid.
is that a B or a G photographer?
are they posing in front of a blown up photo of MOAB?
as is that strange choker on ash.
why are they so awkward?
the bachelor's "final" casting event?! what?! we getting canceled?
poor girl looks pretty scary in all the pix.
why does ames just happen to have 4 x 6 photos of his family on this date?
look at amesy in his "nantucket reds!" what a jaunty old sport!
jp is losing his mind.
squeaky wheel gets the grease!
i'm bored. i'm bored.
i like that backless shirt, but you have to either be 2 yrs old or completely flat chested to pull it off.
yes, lady with the SARS mask in the background.
oh SP, you are such a total cheeseball.
those gardens are beautiful.
oh you freak. i wouldn't be able to spend more than 4 min with him.
i couldn't take him seriously.
oh good. she's not buying it completely.
i am vimming. i can't handle him at all.
nice. get a big ole plug for your company.
when i think romance, i think water heater talk.
go ash. be honest.
look at the shock on his face?
oh no. the plead. the lip quiver.
he's fighting the lump so badly.
he's touching her bare back and it's making him so sick.
i love it when they cut to the chase and just send them home pre-rose ceremony.
yes! a dramatic walk off with moans and expletives? what a treat!
that's right, ole boy. back on your mark.
what was that eye focus?
and the award for most dramatic/ pathetic send off speech /wandering montage goes to SOLAR PANELS!!!
he must have been talking for a while cause the sun has SET!
you WILL, sp! you'll be a GREAT dad! you're ready-made!
ooh i kinda like that dress.
please don't send ames home! you KNOW his family will be a kick.
i think she needs to shoot the texas guy home.
good. no cocktail party... boring.
i'm so tired right now, i'm literally squirmy.
ew. why is she doing a creepy bridge walk behind them?
like she's a creeper ghost or dead bride.
now that dress looks super vegas.
blah, blah, blah.... ashley. just spit it out.
yeah, yeah. the cavegrobans are in. no surprise there.
i knew it'd come down to these two.
the hopeful faces look just like stella when i leave the apt. "take me with you?"
yeah, lucas. this was your time....
because i couldn't even remember your name.
woah, JP. you didn't expect that? that's sort of insulting, no?
that was a gracious goodbye.
he's adorable. and kinda boring.
oh, this poor girl. she's clearly torn.
yesss! the return of emily!
thank you, ashley for being so speedy so we can have this breaking news (re: old) update!
not a fan of that tank top & silk shirt combo.
there's a lot going on with that outfit.
oh no, emily. don't cheapen yourself with a bentley phrase.
i think she poked the bear one too many times.
oookay, she's said the same thing about 7 different ways and hasn't revealed anything new.
i need juice bar!
sometimes, chris harrison looks like an eagle.
they're totally grooming her to be the next bachelorette.
that poor thing having to trapise around in high heels.
oooooooh! that was the best clip of the entire bachelor franchise!!!!!
that dog is amazing.
that's how we all felt about this episode!!
all in all... boring.
what do you think? will em be the next bachelorette?
y'all. i PROMISE i didn't plan to match my animal...and didn't realize it until DD pointed it out. does that mean i've officially turned into a "dog lady?" eff.
nugget and i had a low key 4th of july which was fine with me. v was in cape cod with is people (sadly i couldn't attend this year) and i spent the 4th with "the ropers" (kristan and doug) for brunch @ sarabeths, then stellie had a playdate with her new best friend, lyla- laura osnes's new nugget (we're not sure what she is... definitely chihuahua & german shepherd? dunno..)
even the girls have matching sailor wear. (which, for the record, i think is strange. dogs are animals. not people. they don't need to wear clothes...but we were giving lyla some hand-me-downs and found that they have matching outfits so stellie happily donned her sailor-suit... holy crap... i've just put the most eternal justification for dressing my dog in a dress. obviously, i'm a freaky dog person with blatant guilt. ugh) stellie was really sweet with miss ly and little girl quickly learned how to fight back. that baby has some moxie! then DD and i made homemade strawberry ice cream (a hill family 4th of july tradition)& watched the fireworks from the 43rd floor.....
could have watched from the convenience of my air conditioned apt, but that just didn't feel festive. wasn't the firework show grand?
congrats! just email email@example.com and tell which show you'd like to attend! for the rest of you, GO! it's THIS friday and saturday. jenna is hilarious! you won't regret it- and it's super cheap!
when i was little, my dad had an original hawaiian shave ice machine that he had brought home from his college days in hawaii. in the summers, my sisters and i would sell shave ice street side and we became incredibly serious and discerning about our ice.
i've always wondered why nyc didn't have any shave ice shacks! ? (they still do not, for the record....) in nawlins, they call their sno cones "snowballs" and cute NOLA transplant, neesa, has opened her very own snowball shack in the west village called imperial woodpecker snowballs.
it's fantastic and adorable. go neesa!
hooray! it's about time!
no better way to bring in the 4th than with low calorie sugar ice!
happy fireworks & homemade ice cream (at my house)!
a diaphanous mercurial mormon's take on dating , culture, and her love affair with the big city.
names have been changed to protect the innocent (or not-so-innocent, whatever the case may be) and truthful stories are shared in good fun and hope of betterment of both species.
FO- Fade Out- when you just stop returning a NP's calls, texts, emails, im's with no intention of rekindling.
THE HEISMAN- more aggressive than the fade out. a full out block. see award trophy.
TB-Tool Box- a dim witted man. may or may not have highlights or a pucca shell necklace .... not right.
AH- the awkward hug. usually side-saddled and including a pat or three on the back.
BIL- brother-in-law. mine's name is adam & he's married to sussy. he is wonderful.
DOS-brother-in-law #2- married to kara. also wonderful
BFF- Best Friend Forever- soul friend you love like a sister
FB- Former Boyfriend- obviously it didn't work out but we're "still friends"
NP- New Possibility- enough said.
PIC- Partner In Crime
SN-Stellie Nani (or Nugget)-My little pink-haired maltese buddy
MFEO- meant for each other.
IJ-Inside joke. if you get it, you're cool and you KNOW me. you really KNOW me.
V.V.- very very, as in mucho
natch- naturally, of course
NCMO-Non Committal Make Out- a nice non-private-part-touching kiss-fest---generally a FB
M/A- Model/Actor- definitely has more products, drama, dietary restrictions, clothes than you do and probably won't pay for dessert. it's easy to feel self conscious around a M/A because people are looking at him and not you....
BHH or BYH- Bless Her Heart-- if you say bless her heart after you say something mean, the meanness doesn't count and your karma is safe.
S2- little sister Nicole, otherwise known as Little Sussy, photog, chef, pianist, mother to beloved grandchild, evie, and wife to BIL.
S3-the next one, Nina. pre-nursing, young ambassadoring pretty byu co ed who is served a mission for the LDS church in Busan, Korea. look out fellas!
S4-Kara, our college girl and beautiful ballroom dancer and teacher. irresistible, kind, and loving with a hilarious laugh. Married to Dos.
S5-Ali, brilliant computer whiz, sassiest of us who tells us like it is, entrances high school (and now college) boys with her wit, compassion and belief that she can change the world.